Desperately seeking Kudos

Being a supportive wife isn’t agreeing with me - not because I am not a nice person, I am a lovely person (I haven’t got time to give you loads of evidence, so you’ll just have to trust me), but because I am jealous of my husband's new job.

I am a terrible Domestic Goddess

I should be the one with an exciting new career. I want to be the important one, or at least to be as important as Husband. I do not want to be a Sofa or Domestic Goddess. I am no good at either.

I have always hated domestic life. When I was a single career girl, living in my swanky one bed roomed city centre apartment, I had a cleaner. My friends thought it was hilarious. Who needs a cleaner for a one bedroom apartment? I thought it was sensible. More time for worthwhile activities like working and studying my MBA. I am not work shy. Just dull shy! And as for cooking. Let’s just say I didn’t think it was odd when Carrie kept her jumpers in the oven.

When Mr M.E.arrived on the scene six years ago, one of the many impacts he had was financial. So the cleaner went out of the window along with the big salary.

And over the last six years, when energy has been extremely limited it has often felt like all of my time was taken up keeping on top of basic domestic tasks - it could take a whole day’s energy to do something simple like change the bed. And there were many days when I couldn’t even manage that.

As I have got stronger it has been easier to keep on top of domestic daily nonsense and make it part of my day rather than all of my day. And Husband does way more than his fair share. In particular, he is a brilliant cook. (It’s not the only reason I married him but it is rather wonderful.) But with Husband’s new job comes longer hours and more time away, so he’s not going to be able to do quite so much now.

I want to be important too

And here we are at the root of my jealousy. Husband starts new, exciting, big job. Wife picks up extra domestic slack.

He is working from home today being important, having important sounding conversations with people with important sounding titles. I am pairing socks, hoovering, and going to Sainsbury’s. DULL. DULL. DULL.

But worse than dull is the fact that there is no kudos in my life. I want a title. And not one that involves sofa, domestic, or M.E.

I know I am lucky

Now don’t get me wrong. I know how lucky I am to have a wonderful, supportive and generous husband. Sometimes I am just blown away by how much this man has done for me. He has taken care of me for six years: financially, emotionally and practically and NEVER uses this against me. I often wonder how I would handle things if they were the other way round. I am not sure I would be so gracious.

I want something to be proud of

But this doesn’t stop me from missing having something in my life to feel proud of.

So I have a plan. (It’s always about the plan with this girl.) I am going to do my best to pick up the extra domestic slack that is around because this is the fair and right thing to do now I’m feeling well enough to do it. But I am going to do all these tasks as quickly as possible so I can use as much of my day as I can for rewarding activities, such as writing.

And whilst blogging may not carry the prestige I am after, it will have to do for now, until I am well enough to take the next baby step towards being ‘important’. (I think it would carry more kudos if I had the most successful blog ever, so any ideas on achieving this are always welcome!)

Be careful what you wish for

Also, I keep reminding myself to be very careful about what I wish for. Being ‘important’ does have a tendency to come with long hours and lots of stress. Do I really want the big job again? The lifestyle that undoubtedly played a part in me becoming ill?

I currently have a life many people would dream of. (Apart from the rather high price of being very unwell for six years to get to this place!) Yes, I could do with a bit more energy but overall I consider myself pretty lucky at the moment. And I am not a fool. I know this is a moment to be savoured and when I am back in the rat race I will dream about these days when I could meet a friend for coffee in the middle of the day, or eat my lunch whilst watching Lipstick Jungle or nip into town for that ‘must have' dress.

What I need is something with an important sounding title that can be done for a few hours a week!

What do you feel proud of in your life? Would love to hear your thoughts.

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