I want life shaken not stirred

There are times in life when you just feel like you need to shake things up a bit. Maybe it feels like you are in a bit of a rut. Maybe something has changed which needs a new perspective. Maybe you just realise that you can't keep on going about something in the same way.

I am having one of these times. I feel like I am on the cusp of something. Something big. Something exciting. But something that needs nurturing and encouraging.

There is the obvious big change that is occurring - moving to Leeds because of hubby’s job. And I am glad to report I am feeling a lot less overwhelmed about this. Not sure why. Maybe it's the excellent plan I have drawn up. Maybe it's the latest hypnotherapy session I had which addressed this subject. Or maybe it's the wonderful fact that I am feeling PRETTY GOOD at the moment. (Apart from the odd day where lack of sleep has caused a few minor issues. But just like a well person who has a bad night’s sleep, I have indulged in serious caffeine and carried on with my day.) And when the energy is flowing everything feels more manageable, even a big task like moving.

But the cusp is more than this. Whichever way I look at it I am making progress. Yes, there have still been wobbles over the last few months. But the wobbles are getting smaller. I bounce back more quickly. And I am having more moments when I feel good. Like now. And this is what I want to nurture.

I know my life is a long way from normal. I don't go to work. I don't go out in the evenings. I spend a lot of time on the sofa, to name but a few. And I know to move towards normality I will have to do things differently. Ditch the sick patterns. Reprogramme my mind into what is normal. I know this is not a quick process. It is complicated. You can build up a lot of ‘sick’ patterns in six years! But I want to try. I have to. I know it is a fundamental part of moving forward.

And - although some of you may not believe me! - I think I am bought into the concept of baby steps to achieve this. So I have been trying to shake up some of my routines, even if it is just in small ways. Knowing that by adding all these small changes together they will make a difference: not always lying on the sofa, sometimes just sitting on the sofa; not always wearing my 'comfies' at home - which I associate with being ill; if I'm feeling chilly popping on a cardy, not diving under the fur cover. (The cover that I have sought solace under for the last six years. Bad days where even called fur cover days.)

The beady eyed among you may have noticed that I have also changed my blog tag line from 'Living with ME but still totally fabulous!' to 'Life may have gone a bit off track but my fabulousness did not!' This is another way of me trying to reposition my identity. I want to be the person who is recovering from M.E. not living with it.

There have also been a few bolder moves. I said yes to an impromptu invite on Friday. It was about 4.30 pm I was at home on the lap top when Bezzy Mate rang. By 5 pm we were sitting in town having a glass of wine. I am schedule woman so impromptu is rare and going out later in the day is even rarer. Told you. Bold. (Although, did not plan to break my routine of sticking to two small glasses of wine. I only had 3. Told myself I would be fine. Well I wasn't. And found that a fuzzy head and the downward dog on Saturday morning was a very bad mix!)

I have been here before. Feeling better. Planning my new life. Then there have been wobbles, sometimes even crashes. But that doesn't matter. The important part is that I AM here again. The recovery road is a bumpy one. But that doesn't mean you don't stay on it. And I know that just because I am on a smooth bit now doesn't mean there won't be a few more bumps. But I am just going to keep on doing my best to get over the bumps. Keep working towards my destination of ‘life back please.’

And in the spirit of believing in myself and baby stepping my way to new routines, I have just said yes to an evening out to see some contemporary dance. Crazy times people.

Whether you are ill or not, what routines could you do with shaking up? Would love to hear your thoughts.

If you like this post you can subscribe to the blog now by RSS or email. You can also follow Sofa and the City on Facebook and Twitter