Watch out. One liberated girl about...

I’ve wasted a lot of energy in my life worrying about what people think about me. I’m not even sure why (and I’m guessing that will need more therapy than a blog post!)

I have always admired my best friend, who for as long as I’ve known her (about 20 years *gulp*) has never cared what people think of her. If people don’t like her as far as she is concerned it’s their problem - how liberating. She isn’t using this as an excuse to float around in an arrogant bubble and behave appallingly; she is lovely. But she just accepts that not every one is going to like her.

People say you become more accepting of yourself as you get older. And I think for me this is true to a degree. But I still seem to battle the internal need to be liked. I want people to think I am intelligent, interesting, funny, kind, thoughtful, determined, strong, stylish, slim. (No wonder I’m exhausted trying to live up to that little lot!)

When I started blogging I knew not everyone who came onto the site would like what I do. I knew I was making decisions about my style of writing, approach to recovery and topics that I write about - or don’t write about - that would make me unpopular. (I have had M.E. long enough to know what the hot topics are.)

But at the same time, I do want to have a successful blog. For me, that is part of the process of validating that I am good at what I do.

And I get a huge amount of satisfaction from the comments people leave. I am fascinated by people and how we are all so different and have such varying perspectives. The ‘conversation’ is an (unexpectedly) wonderful part of the blogging experience.

And when people email me, or leave messages on Facebook or here telling me how much they have enjoyed the blog or a particular post it makes me smile. I think we all like this type of validation. I guess it’s to what extent it is important to us that is interesting.

Asking for feedback (see How was it for you?!) has been really useful. And thank you so much to all of you who took the time to share your thoughts. It has helped me clarify what people like about Sofa and the City (honesty, openness, humour, sharing the challenges of living with M.E., sharing other random parts of my life.) It has also given me ideas on how I could improve my writing and attract more readers.

But although there were some common themes in what people liked there was also a huge range of unique likes and dislikes. Whilst one person may have liked the non M.E. posts most another preferred the posts that covered progress in research on M.E. And so on.

And here we have it. Unsurprisingly, I cannot please everyone. But the real breakthrough for me is that I am okay with this. I am choosing to be authentic and I am accepting that not everyone will like what I do. And it feels liberating. Of course, I still want feedback and to learn but I want to be true to me and have fun with my writing.

I know that the posts about M.E. research related topics are very popular. But this is not what I want to focus on. I may occasionally dip into this world but it is not a world I want to occupy on a weekly basis. And I accept that by doing that I may not have the gravitas compared to some sites.

But I also know – because many people have told me – that the light hearted approach is what a lot of you like about Sofa and the City. So I will continue to write from the heart, I will write about the challenges of recovering from M.E., I will carry on being open about my belief in a holistic approach to recovery, I will carry on being tongue and cheek about me and M.E., and I will be doing my best to stay determined and positive: because that is who I am.

I am a girl (I know – I am actually a woman but that just sounds too old) who is intelligent but chooses to not always be serious, who is able to laugh at herself and laugh at M.E., who is fascinated by people and life, and who understands that M.E. is not the only challenge in the world (it just happens to be the one I am most familiar with.)

So I hope you will carry on coming along for the ride because the blog wouldn’t be the same without you. Writing really is only part of it. People also enjoy the conversations: because we are all fascinating! 

How important to you is it that people like you? Do you seek external validation? Or are you accepting of yourself just the way you are? Would love to hear your thoughts....x