It seems that being married to a fabulous sofa chick can be a costly affair.
Firstly there are the diamonds. Yes, LOTS of diamonds. It started out with a very impressive engagement ring (which Husband chose, so only has himself to blame.) Then I decided that I wanted diamonds on my wedding band. Which I got - obviously. (In my defence, I still had a good job at that point.) Then after seeing Rachel Zoe - my favourite fashion crush - wearing a third ring on her wedding finger I decided I wanted one of those too. Which I got for my birthday this year. Yes. Spoilt. (Although, it was a surprise - so again Husband's own fault.)
Then there is just the fact that I am very expensive on a day to day basis. Firstly, there is the dairy/wheat free/just plain fussy diet. All tasty alternative foods are at least twice the price as normal food. Yes, I know I could be baking my own wheat free muesli bars for like a 10th of the price but that would involve entering the kitchen. Never going to happen.
Oh and then there is the fact that I am a high maintenance glamour puss: Hair, make up, nail polish. toiletries. magazines, clothes, shoes, handbags...being fabulous comes at a price people.
And then there is the cost of trying to get better. I don't think I'm going to dwell here as it makes me so sad when I think of all the handbags I - okay husband - could have bought with that money.
So basically, I don't earn any money but spend lots of money. And it's not even like I have a rich husband. I mean we're not on the breadline - despite my excellent efforts.
Then there is the emotional cost of being married to someone like me. Poor Husband can't come in from a days work, kick his shoes off, throw his dirty clothes on the floor and lie on the sofa. Oh no, neat freak wife makes him put everything away. Immediately. And she rules the sofa. (Well, we have two sofas but I 'own' the best one.)
Then there is the practical cost of having an energy challenged wife. After all of the above she doesn't even pull her weight round the house. As she 'lounges' around domestic tasks get left behind. If Husband is lucky he'll only have to pick up the odd one or two before she gets her lazy arse off the sofa.
Husband tells me he is keeping a little black book tracking the running cost of Karen, so once I'm well I can start paying him back. I think he is planning a VERY early retirement, where he lies around watching UK TV Food, being King of the sofa, whilst I am run ragged working and doing everything at home. Oh, a bit like he is now then! There's absolutely no incentive for me to get better. I am onto a cushy deal. That's if it wasn't for the sheer inconvenience of feeling unwell a lot of the time. But hey you can't have everything can you!
What's your wife/husband/family/friend expense account looking like? Hope you're not as overdrawn as I am! Would love to hear your thoughts...x
Oh my, Karen. I am sooooo overdrawn on the hubby expense account. I'm just lucky that he doesn't mind. We are both so fortunate to have partners who would rather be with us as we are than be any other place. And I love that the two of you can joke about it -- it's just another sign of the strength of your relationship.
ReplyDeleteLove the metaphor, by the way.
Your are so right Toni, we are VERY lucky. I emailed Mike the post as thought it might amuse him and he replied 'I don't think you're spoilt. It's just best practice to treat your wife like this.' Which I take to mean that I am going to carry on being spoilt! x
ReplyDeleteI too am totally spoiled, diamonds, flowers, choccies and treats generally over the years.
ReplyDeleteBut I always remind hubbie that that's what you get when you set the bar high during courtship... ;-)
Another very luck lady (although well deserved - of course) and another husband who has brought it on himself! x
ReplyDeleteHiya Karen,
ReplyDeleteHope Anon, doesn't get too steamed up about your excesses!! and write some more bull this time ;-) (see how I kept the bovine theme going?) I'm so talented imao !
All the diamonds, luxury holidays, expensive diets, total laziness, and being waited on!!, I should imagine she has probably blown a fuse with envy by now. :-)
Good luck to you for enjoying what you can when you can, we all have our bad spells but its credit to those who focus on the good ones & make everyone feel better.
Bit of a girlie blog if you don't mind me saying so, thought I was going to read a charming tale about bunnies or kittens! still I'm sure you'll do better next time ;-)
MWAH XXX
Hiya Cheeky Rog. You are very naughty but very amusing!
ReplyDeleteI will see if I can come up with a boys blog for next time - ooh, maybe on fishing..;-)
Thank you for making me smile. My blog loves you..x
;)I'm beginning to think I set the bar too low during courtship;) Dinners, drinks, the odd piece of non diamond jewelry and I said yes to a shack-up!
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough, my career rocketed when I found out I could work from home, so I've become even more high-maintenance than I was before. I spend twice a week chez my beauticians, who also dispenses wonderful lymphatic massages that have really helped my energy levels. She is extremely fussy and I never skip a manicure/pedicure/wax/facial in between massages otherwise she gives me a lecture.
I agree, it isn't easy (or cheap) being a sofa-queen and not having to feel guilty about it is great, so I can max out on Alessandro's emotional expense account with a certain sense of justification. I'm really looking forward to a proper diamond, but after all we've been through I think I'm already living with one.
*lol* I am picturing you now as a very pampered pet on a velvet cushion with a diamond collar! I am thrilled you have someone who adores spoiling you and even more thrilled that you know just what a lucky girl you are too. Enjoy every moment. :)
ReplyDeleteI imagine a good hubby helps the healing considerably! I went out to lunch for the first time in a long while last week and was crashing by the end. When my friend asked what he could do I had him return home with me, lie on the sofa, and hold me in silence for a while. Very bold of me but it worked! I recovered faster than usual.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment I'm doing the supporting - but as I am 17 years older I think the balances will tip severely in the years ahead!
ReplyDeleteOh Valentina I am laughing and laughing. Who cares if you set the benchmark low - he's called ALESSANDRO. How wonderful: Valentina and Alessandro. (Karen and Mike just doesn't have the same ring - get it!) And totally agree A sounds like a total diamond.
ReplyDeleteHello Miss Clearly Composed. You have tickled me too! And I will now have to get a diamond collar...;-)
Hi Bola. That was very brave of you to ask your friend for that kind of support - I really admire you for that. And I can imagine how much that helped. Sometimes its the simple things that can help us the most.
Ha ha Evan. Sounds like you are making a great investment for the future (are you keeping track of the running costs of your partner too!)
Thank you all so much for sharing and making me smile this morning. I am going to be laughing to myself all day...xx
Husbands everywhere should put a block on their computers to stop their wives seeing your blog and getting ideas!Lol. Thank God I have a low maintenance wife! :0)
ReplyDeleteNot that I have any money for her to spend anyway!
Hi Kaazoom.
ReplyDeleteOoh hadn't thought about it like that. I could run training course for wives. Feel free to give your wife my email address!
Thank you for the giggle (isn't this more fun than getting angry!) xx
My partner seems quite understanding with regards to housework. Now that I can't do any housework myself and he does it all, he claims that he appreciates my "input" from "my commander control centre" (i.e. the bed) and calls me the "brain" behind the housework and talks about "guidance" I give him which he finds "of great help". (I wonder what he really means by that....?)
ReplyDeleteHe has me banned from the kitchen years ago - apparently "for my own good". Something to do with spilling, burning food, things slipping out of my hands & breaking, appliances left on. Not that I am complaining.
Hi J. Thank you so much for the comment.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are an excellent Domestic Director!
I am banned from the kitchen too, not for safety reasons though, but for crimes against taste buds!
I'm loving your sense of humour J. And how fantastic that it is shining through despite the awfulness of severe M.E. - you are an inspiration.
Your partner sounds very supportive. Hear hear for all amazing partners everywhere (especially the ones who keep us out of the kitchen!)
Love and energy...x
Your blog needs a like button! This made me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteAah...thank you lovely Laurel. It makes me happy that I made you smile. Now, where can I get that like button from?! ;-)
ReplyDelete