The Seven Year Scratch

As they walked into the restaurant it was like I saw them yesterday; as we hugged, squealed and chatted excitedly (at a pace that was probably a little frightening to anyone watching!) it was like we were still 20. But we aren’t, some of us are already 40 and those that aren’t soon will be. It is the weirdness of time: how can it seem like yesterday and years ago in the same moment?

I haven’t seen my girlfriends from university for over seven years, they are scattered all over the country and for obvious reasons it’s just been too difficult for me to catch up with them. But as my health continues to improve we arranged a weekend in Nottingham so that I could see everyone.

I hadn't prepared myself for the kaleidoscope of emotions I would feel. I have felt sheer joy at seeing these wonderful ladies again after all this time; these ladies who played such a big part in my young adult life; these ladies who I have laughed with, who I have cried with, who have seen the best of me, who have seen the worst of me, who are intelligent, funny, unique and fascinating.

I have also felt an overwhelming - and unexpected - sadness; sad that I have not been able to be a part of these ladies amazing lives for the last seven years. Perhaps I have allowed myself to grieve for a part of my life I have not been able to live fully through the CFS years. I don’t think I allow myself to do this very often; I don’t like to focus on what I have missed out on. It never seems helpful to do that and it can also be too painful. But maybe letting those feelings out is another way of moving forward.

And there was a sense of reflection at how each of our lives has turned out. Each of us has experienced our own highs and lows. There have been weddings, divorces, broken hearts, adventures, motherhood – and all that it brings, challenges in relationships (including, of course, some very bad men choices!), successful careers, exotic travels and marathons run.

My university friends are an eclectic mix; it was almost as if we bonded because we didn’t fit in. I went to Durham University and it was very heavily dominated by people from public school (I am not sure if this is still the case). And we were the people who had taken a different route to get there. Some of us had come from normal schools (shock – horror!), some of us were international students, some of us were well off and some of us not so much.

I consider myself very privileged to have become friends with such a diverse group of people - I’m not sure that happens very often, I think in life we tend to meet and connect with people who are from similar backgrounds. And I have learnt so much from these amazing ladies.

And that learning has been met in equal measure with sheer joyous laughter and fun. We were always good at fun and it seems we still are; as bubbles were sipped and memories revisited we howled. Memories that haven’t been revisited for so long – some of them so embarrassing they may have been better kept tucked away! And we shared stories of our lives, laughing at our mistakes (those bad choices in men again) and reflecting on what we have achieved. For me this was emotional; I sometimes struggle to be at peace with the turn my life took and it can be hard to face up to the what could have been, particularly in my career.

But I am not naive; I know that the grass can often seem greener when it truly is not. And whilst I am envious of one friend’s career, I know the challenge of juggling that and motherhood is no walk in the park. And whilst another friend has married into money, it has clearly been accompanied with a difficult set of decisions and responsibilities. And I am envious of the financial independence some of my friends still have, the independence I have lost through illness. But I also know that I am very lucky to have a loving partner I can depend on.

And isn’t this what life is like, we do our best to make the most of the situations that we are in; to overcome life’s obstacles, whatever those obstacles are. And I have a warm proud feeling for my friends, they have faced their lows with bravery and strength, and they do not take for granted their highs; they hug those blessings with a warm appreciation. But most of all - they all looked really HOT; not one of them had let themselves go, not even a little bit! Not bad for a group of ladies heading into their forties ha.

And most importantly for me, I am confident that I am now well enough that it won’t be another seven years before I see these wonderful friends again. And that in itself has got to be worth another glass of bubbles...