Mission Possible

In the spirit of transformation I am giving my body a makeover as well as our apartment. It is my ultimate fantasy to have a six-pack. I don’t know why, maybe it’s a case of wanting what you don’t have: I am an apple shape with a muffin top. Nice.

I am not big by anyone’s standards – even my own very harsh judgemental ones! – but I do have a belly. I’ve always had it – even my skinniest, pre-wedding, starved body still had a muffin top.

When I look at pictures of celebrities flaunting their toned abs in bikinis I am filled with lust. When I see my friends with flat stomachs I actually drool as I look on in envy. One of my friend's stomach is so incredibly flat yet she doesn’t really exercise and has had a baby. I on the other hand exercise a lot and haven’t had a baby. Fair? No, I don’t think so either.

Maybe 40 is not the best time to start out on my latest six pack mission – gravity is very much working against me – but I am curious; curious to see if I can actually achieve this. There’s no doubt that part of this is vanity, but it is more than that. I am in love with being strong, fit and healthy. This is what I was before all the CFS nonsense and this is what I want to be again. (Although even when I was younger and fitter, I didn’t have a really toned stomach. Yes, it may well be mission impossible.) And part of it is because if I can do this imagine what else I can achieve; it’s a symbol of proving to myself that anything is possible.

So about three months ago I stepped up my exercise routine - a big nod to my continued health improvements - and set out on my mission. I like exercising at home, as I can do it at a time that suits me, so I have armed myself with a series of DVDs by Jillian Michaels. She is hardcore: she screeches things at you like ‘DO NOT QUIT ON ME’ or ‘IF YOU WANT RESULTS THEY DON'T COME FOR FREE.’ And she says inspiring things like ‘you have no idea what you are capable of until you try.’ YES, I think every time I hear her say that, I CAN get a six-pack.

And the titles of her DVDs are a marketing masterpiece: 30 Day Shred, Six Week Six-Pack, Reduce Fat Boost Metabolism. Who wouldn’t say yes to any of these things? But they are also clearly a lie! I have done more than 30 days and I am not shredded; and there is not a sniff of a six-pack in sight. (Although my stomach muscles are really hurting today, so perhaps it IS lurking somewhere deep under my muffin top!)

I would write to her and complain but she may ask me difficult questions, about my diet for example, ones I don’t want to answer. (What do you mean I will never get a six-pack if I eat a sneaky piece of green and black’s and drink the odd cheeky glass of wine?) I have avoided going down the really strict diet route. I have a pretty good diet - lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, not much processed food, no dairy, not too much wheat and so on; I eat well most of the time but I have the odd treat along the way. I do NOT like the idea of restriction.

And although I may not have my six-pack – yet! – I am definitely stronger, fitter and more toned: exercises that I really struggled with at the beginning I can now manage easily; and I have moved on to the harder sessions of each DVD. I have done a session on average four times a week (even when we were in Malaysia – yes, totally dedicated. Results do not come for free people.) And I do one yoga session a week too.

So the experiment continues: can I achieve the results I want without becoming a carrot munching, spinach eating, no chocolate will ever pass my lips, diet bore? I will let you know.

No, there won’t be any before and after pictures – the Internet is not ready to see my belly. Trust me. Although, if I do achieve a six-pack I will probably live in a bikini and flaunt myself on the Internet regularly. Bet you can't wait.